She’s Going to Be a Handful!

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“May you always know the truth and see the lights surrounding you.  May you always be courageous, stand upright and be strong and may you stay forever young.” ~ Bob Dylan

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It is the eve of her birth, thirteen years later.  In documenting our journey, I will tell you she sits upstairs as I type this post, in her newly updated “teenage” bedroom, FaceTiming (is that a word?) with her girlfriends. “We’re doing homework, Mom.”  Basically, “beat it”!

B and I are reminiscing, as we do every year about this evening 13 years ago; the dinner party with our best friends, Joe and Teresa.  Bets were on.  Joe says, “she’s going to have that baby tonight”.  Bryan says, “nah, we’re 3 weeks out, let’s break out this yummy bottle of Monticello”.  So they did. They partied on and I went to bed.  Joe almost won the bet and Bryan paid the price of a red wine hangover at 3:00 a.m. with the Bean on the way.  She arrived in perfect form.  As I stared at this little, almost alien looking being in my arms, all I could think about were the words of our French amnio technician telling us at 16 weeks when we asked if he knew what it was.  He a said, “IT is a girl, and she’s going to be a handful!!”  I emphasize he is French, because it’s sounds so much better with his accent.  Go ahead, say it with a French accent … much better, right?!

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In all seriousness and I know I’ve said this before, I often wonder how it came to be that I was so lucky to get you, Aya Bean. You are truly an amazing human being; you are kind, you are generous, you are loving, you are fierce and courageous, you care and are considerate, you love nature, you love animals, you love your friends and are interested, you are joyful and honest.

Happy 13th Birthday, sweet Aya Bean, my forever handful! ❤️ Enjoy the ride! #stayfierce #likeagirl #enjoytheride

and, Happy Birthday, Ed, the other love of our lives and the Bean’s best friend (the guy in the first picture). I can’t wait to see where the journey takes the two of you.  She’s a lucky girl to have you in her life ❤️❤️

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Peace in Silence

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Quote of the Day:  “Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.” ~ Max Ehrmann

When I was eight years old, my oldest sister would play her 45 LP records on our little portable record player.  I realize “45 LP” and “record player” mean nothing to anyone born after 1980; however, 45 LP’s were to my generation what iPods and iTunes are to this generation of teeny boppers.

There was one record I adored.  It was mostly a man reciting words to a poem; but, then angelic voices would sing the chorus.  I loved to sing the chorus over and over.  It went like this, “You are a child of the universe; no less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here.  And whether or not, it is clear to you; no doubt the universe is unfolding as a should.”

As an eight year old, I had no idea that this was not just a popular song recorded by Les Crane in the 70’s.  It was a poem written in 1927 by Max Ehrmann.  It is a poem that has come back to me a various stages of my life and always holds great meaning.  I have carried the same copy of this poem with me from Ohio, to Washington, D.C and, here, to California.  Last year, when my daughter was eight, she found the copy of the poem in my desk.  I read it to her.  She liked it very much, so, I shared how I would listen to this song over and over when I was her age.  She googled it and found the song on YouTube.  She loved it and asked if I would put it on her iPod.   I can sometimes hear her singing, “you are a child of the universe.”   Children follow by example, so, teach your children well.  Oh, that’s a song for another day :).  Here is the poem.

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— by Max Ehrmann–

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.

She is Going to be a Handful.

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Quote of the Day:  “On the day that you were born the angels got together and decided to create a dream come true.  So they sprinkled gold dust in your hair and golden starlight in your eyes so blue.”

Dear Small Child,

Nine years ago, today, all my dreams came true with one deep breath and one small push.  Okay, so it was many deep breaths, many big pushes and promise to divorce your father if I survived the ordeal.  However, the moment our eyes connected, and I knew it was for real, it was love at first sight, and all the rest was history.

You didn’t come to us easily and when you did decide to make your appearance, you found it fashionable to be early.  You were due to arrive on May 5, Cinco de Mayo, and I had a plan.  You would have brown hair and eyes (like me); and we would name you Maya, to commemorate the occasion.  Well, I should have known when the amnio technician said, in his thick, French accent “She is going to be a handful” that all my plans were going to hell in a tuille basket.  At week 37 (April 20) when things seemed amiss and I felt the urgency to vacuum the garage, I knew that my plans were further going astray.   All it took was look and a word from your Uncle Joe saying, “that baby is coming tonight” that I realized there was no way out of this predicament.  Daddy, too, was not prepared.  He was sharing some fabulous wine with your Uncle Joe.  We all suggested that maybe he stick with one glass on this particular eve.  Ah, the best laid plans.  Let’s just say, when 4:00 a.m. rolled around on April 21, your Daddy was feeling as nauseous as I on the winding way down the mountain.

As it was, at 7:36 on April, 21, 2002 you came into this world, with a smile on your face and a look in your eye.   My first thought was, hooray, the doctor didn’t drop you, my second thought was that you looked exactly like “the greys”.  The proof was on the table, I had been abducted and impregnated by aliens.  In all seriousness, you were much prettier than the greys; less grey, more pink, with big, beautiful, blue eyes and blond hair.

Of course, I say this all in jest, because that is how we Sinclairs roll.  The reality is I often wonder how it came to be that I was so lucky to get you. You are truly an amazing human being; you are kind, you are generous, you are loving, you are courageous, you care and are considerate, you love nature, you love animals, you are interested and interesting, you are joyful and honest.   Of course, any mother would say these things about their child.  These are not my words.  These are the words of the people who teach you, the people who ride with you, the people who love you. Happy Birthday, sweet Aya Bean, my forever handful!